Here is someting I got a problem with: The Ten Commandments. Here’s my problem. Why are there 10?
You don’t need 10. I think the list of Ten Commandments was deliberately and artificially inflated to get it up to ten. It’s a patted list. Here’s what they did.
About 5000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments. Up on a mountain, when no one was around, God had given them the Ten Commandments.
Well let me ask you this. When they were sitting around making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why 10? Why not 9 or 11? I’ll tell you why. Because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! They knew if it would be 11, people wouldn’t take it seriously. What? Are you kidding me? The 11 commandments? Get the fuck out of here. But ten? Ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it’s a decade, it’s a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! To me it is clearly a bullshit list. It’s a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I am gonna show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that’s a little more workable and logical. I want to start with the first three and I’ll use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three, pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord’s name? strange gods? Spooky language! Spooky language designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. You throw away the first three commandments and you’re down to 7.
Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is, obedience and respect shouldn’t be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent’s performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don’t, period. You’re down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we’re going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior: dishonesty. Stealing and Lying. So you don’t really need two. Instead you combine them and call it “thou shalt not be dishonest”. And suddenly you’re down to 5.
And as long as we’re combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is, coveting takes place in the mind. And I don’t think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else’s wife. Otherwise, what is a guy gonna think about when he’s waxing his carrot? But, marital fidelity is a good idea so we’re gonna keep the idea and call this one “thou shalt not be unfaithful”. And suddenly we’re down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative and call the whole thing “thou shalt always be honest and faithful” and we’re down to 3.
They are going away fast…
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S GOODS
This one is just plain fuckin’ stupid. Coveting your neighbor’s goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays “o come o ye faithful”, and you wanna get one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you’re down to 2 now: the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven’t talked about yet.
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. The fifth commandment. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It’s negotiable. It depends on who’s doin the killin’ and who’s gettin’ killed. So, with all of this in mind, I leave you with my revised list of the two commandments:
THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL TO THE PROVIDER OF THY NOOKIE
&
THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE, UNLESS OF COURSE THEY PRAY TO A DIFFERENT INVISIBLE MAN FROM THE ONE YOU PRAY TO.
Two is all you need. Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin’ pocket. And if they had a list like this, I wouldn’t mind those folks in Alabama putting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they include one additional commandment:
THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF
Sandra en ik wilden echter wel een kat willen, en zijn op Marktplaats op zoek gegaan naar jonge katjes. een dag later gingen we kijken bij een gezin en wilden één katertje. We vonden er eentje die we erg leuk vonden. Toen we hem weer loslieten en een tijdje met de mensen spraken, konden we hem ineens niet meer vinden. Met z’n allen gingen we zoeken, en nar een tijdje vonden we hem, samen met een ander katertje in de reistas die we bij ons hadden. Sandra en ik hebben toen besloten dat we ze beiden zouden nemen. Ik heb ze meteen de namen Kirk en Spock gegeven.
Inmiddels zijn Kirk en Spock al drie weken bij ons, en we zijn hartstikke dol op onze katertjes. Ze zijn vreselijk lief en naar mij ook heel erg aanhankelijk. Ze klimmen graag op m’n schoot, wonden graag geknuffeld en spelen erg veel samen. We zijn dan ook erg blij dat we niet slechts eentje hebben genomen.
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